Lately it’s been more difficult for me to keep up with the happenings of other bloggers, but I just took a good hour break from working on a gigantic research paper, to catch up on what I’ve missed over the past month or so. I want to share a post I found on Hope dies last that really struck a chord for me. I think this is the direct link? Yes, no, maybe so?
Anyway, the post is about how us seemingly perpetual “single girls” do not merely date for the sake of dating (usually). We (many of us) are looking for the real thing. Or, as stated by Hope, the big love. I admit that I have dated people I haven’t felt a spark for in hopes that I could let it grow. That I could nurture it and keep telling myself “This is a GOOD GUY! Just stick with it. You’ll learn to love him!” But, I certainly am the type of person that can’t just date around and hop from dinner to drinks to movies to walks in the park with different men that I don’t feel that intense spark for. That sizzle. I don’t date as often as I should. But when I do, it’s because I feel something. It’s because there’s a feeling I’d like to explore. The sizzle (or possibility of a sizzle). If I don’t have that chemistry (which, many may say is inevitably the downfall of a relationship) I can’t continue. It hurts me more than it makes me feel good to at least have someone. I do like to go out and meet people. I love getting to know someone over coffee or a drink. But if I don’t feel myself wanting to reach across the table and grab the person and kiss the life out of them, chances are I don’t continue dating them. And this, my fellow singletons, might be my ultimate reason for being without a plus-one. But is that so wrong?
What’s wrong with wanting the real thing? And why should that be something that people might look down on me for? Yes, I was raised on fairy tales. I was raised to believe that love conquers all and that when the right person walks into your life, you’ll know. And, yes, I’ve been in a relationship or two where I thought I knew, but was sorely mistaken. But at least I tried, right? God, I just want the real thing. I think my karma points are currently at maximum capacity. It’s time for some goodness to come back into the love department (and I’m not talking about in the form of random makeouts as per my previous post!)
So, do you think that’s (one of) our problem(s)? If so, what the heck do we do to solve it? Or do we not? Do we keep on doing what we’re doing in hopes that one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, we find that person that makes our heart all aflutter? That person that deserves our kisses?
I’m tired. It’s only 9:30 and I’m beat. It’s a sad world when you have to call it quits before 10 on a Friday. But, such is the life of a grad student. I’ll let that stew for a bit. I’m curious to see what you think..
your post and hope’s post definitely struck a chord with me. up until 6 months ago when i got attached to my first real boyfriend at the ripe old age of 29, i’ve always considered myself as seemingly perpetually single. in fact that’s what everyone else thought as well ‘coz i didn’t lack the personality or the looks to have remained single for as long as i have been. but what i did lack was the ability to just date any ole person.
and by date i mean seriously date and not the casual kind. i’ve dated around casually but always found it hard to make a commitment simply ‘coz i couldn’t see myself with him long term. and i just can’t commit unless i can. so sometimes i try to ride it out in hopes that maybe it will get better. sometimes i don’t. sometimes he “dumps” me. sometimes it’s nothing more than just a random makeout.
essentially this thinking of wanting the real thing that i’ve had since a very young age has rather successfully ensured that i remained single for as long as i did. i don’t think you can really solve it. if anything, i suppose it’s a good thing ‘coz it means that while we might have far less relationships, the quality control means that we’d have better ones. and ultimately isn’t it bout finding that special one person and not counting how many insignificant others you’ve had that don’t matter in the end?
It seems like more than a couple of us in the blogosphere are mulling over the same thing in the last couple of days — and are posting about it. (Maybe reading one person’s blog gives us a reason to post something up, too.)
What’s wrong with waiting for the real thing? Nothing…as long as you also know that the “perfect man” doesn’t exist. I think that’s the trick.
I don’t see anything wrong with holding out for the real thing — but I can see how other people might think that I’m being too picky and that this is the exact reason why I’m still alone.
But you know what? In the end, all I can really do is do what’s best for me — and for now, I can’t seem to bring myself to date anybody I’m not “sparking” with.