Can I call it a two-night stand?

A part of me is a little weary to divulge too much information about my holiday romance. I am fairly certain that no one I know in my real life has any idea I’ve got this blog, so I probably shouldn’t worry about any information getting into the wrong hands…er…eyes. So, I’ll try and give you some details without getting too…graphic?

My holiday was to a very sunny, warm, beautiful, gorgeous place. This place is not well known for it’s party and social scene, but rather for it’s scenery, beaches and places to explore. I needed a vacation, as did several of my friends. So we made plans to go and before we knew it, we were on a plane heading for paradise. The first few days were filled with beaches, fruity island drinks, nature hikes and, of course, our fair share of petty fighting (although I am not a fighter and, thus, tried to keep the peace best I could). About halfway through our trip, we met a boy on one of our adventures who really wanted to show us around. I assessed the situation and decided that he was absolutely harmless. That night, we went out with him and a few of his friends came out soon after. At first, the initial guy – we’ll call him The Dancer – seemed to be flirting with me. I didn’t pay much attention to his friends at this time because I was too busy trying to get The Dancer to go after my friend and leave me alone (he was a VERY sweet guy whom I believe I’ll always stay in touch with, however I was just not interested at all).

Anyway, we all (me and my friends and The Dancer and his friends) wound up leaving the bar we were at and going back to our hotel. I’ll call The Dancer’s friends The Irish Kid and The Surfer.  My one friend kind of paired up with The Dancer and upon a midnight dip in the ocean, I decided that The Surfer was utterly adorable. The Irish Kid went home and my other friend went back to the room. That left the two “couple” if you will, playing around in the ocean. We decided to head over to the hot tub and eventually The Surfer and I made our way over to one of the pools. Things got hot and heavy and I felt sexier and more wanted than I have in a long time.

The following day we went to the beach with the boys and they came over that night. I found myself on a hammock, just cuddling and chatting with The Surfer. We had a lovely conversation and he just kept telling me about his family and life and asking how it was possible that I hadn’t been snatched up. I think that my response was “boys are dumb.” Obviously, this did not phase him in the slightest. We once again got hot and heavy, this time in a hammock under palm trees on the beach. However, at this point, I was still fairly certain I would not be doing the deed with him, as I never really thought I’d be a one-night-stand kinda girl.

An hour or two passed and I decided that it was time to say goodbye. His car was parked in a far away lot, and I told him I’d walk with him and then he could drive me to the lobby and walk me to my door.

We got to his car.

We got to the lobby.

We got to my door.

Let’s just say, I hope to God they do not have security cameras right outside my door. Or, if they do, someone got an amazing show.

He asked me to go back to his car.

I thought about it for a moment.

Then I went.

I won’t get into details, but I will say that there’s something amazingly sexy about having sex in a car in a parking lot where there is the potential for someone to catch you. I know the car thing is kinda elementary, but it was the best we could do.

So, I’m sure you’re wondering…was it good??

For being in the passanger seat of a car, I’m going to say yeah. It wasn’t bad. It was hot and sexy and at the same time, sweet. We held hands. It was nice.

Afterwards, he walked me back to my door and we said goodbye with a few more kisses and the unspoken knowledge that we would never be seeing each other again.

So do I regret it?

Not a pinch.

But, gosh, I would love to see him again.

Honey, I’m home.

- Went to an amazingly gorgeous place I’d never been to before.

- Snorkled in the most beautiful water I’d ever seen in person.

- Snuck onto a yacht at 1am and stargazed.

- Snoozed on the beach.

- Ate too much.

- Drank too much.

- Hiked in flip flops.

- Had some pretty hot sex with a boy I’ll never see again.

Cheers to a holiday well done?

You can find anything on the Internet…

…even boyfriends!

I know a lot of people who have done the online dating thing and a few who have actually found luck. Lots who haven’t, but several who are now with the people they deem as “the one.” I’ve always been the girl who said she wouldn’t do it. Who believed that she HAD to meet someone in the “real world” for it to ever work. For her to ever get excited about someone.

Well, it’s a new year, right? A time when you’re supposed to change your bad habits and ways of thinking.

So, a week or two ago, I decided to try my hand at online dating. I signed up for a free website, popped up some photos, wrote a very detail-lacking description of myself…and waited. The messages I got at first were crazy. The worst pick-up lines I’ve ever heard, people asking for my phone number without even saying hello, the list goes on. So I decided that I would take the reins and message some people who looked interesting to me. Out of those people I messaged, I’ve had a back-and-forth going with, we’ll call him The Young Musician. He’s a year younger and lives a state over, but he seems really cool and normal and interesting. There are a few things about him that have left me a little unsure – like the fact that he smokes and that he put “undecided” as his preference for having children, but I’ll blame it on his youth and say that based on our messages alone, I really like him!

I also got a message from, we’ll call him The Counselor. He’s quite a bit older, is a youth counselor, and seems like a really cool guy. He also lives in a different state, but that really doesn’t matter so much to me. We’ve got a lot of similarities and have a good flow in conversation going. From his photos I THINK that I’m attracted, but I could be wrong when/if I met him in person, I can’t be sure.

So, for now I’m going to keep my conversations going with these two guys and see if anything develops. I’m not going to lie, I’m scared shitless to meet them, but I think that I owe it to myself, if they ask, to meet up with them. 2010 is about putting myself out there and taking risks and chances, so why not just add this to the list??

So, here’s my question for you well-versed online daters. Do I bring up the meeting or should I wait for the guys to?

Out with the old!

2009 began with friends and ended with friends. I think that’s an important thing to know about me. My friends tend to be my world. When you’re an only child with a rather small family, you learn to make your own family. You choose people to include in your life that you feel happy being around. That make you a better person. That open your eyes to new things and are a permanent shoulder whenever you need it. And this year, I definitely needed some shoulders.

Hopes were high for last year. I was in love. I was lost in my own (partially contrived out of pure naivety) romance novel. As those things usually go, nothing is as perfect as it appears to be. And as my love life normally goes, that love did not end with the happily ever after I was hoping for. My heart broke. I leaned on shoulders. I learned that no matter how much you hurt, you will get through it if you have your friends.

Spring brought some new friends around who I now consider some of my best. I continued with school and got closer to the people in my program. I constantly surprised myself and worked harder than ever before to get through the semester. I saw dozens of amazing concerts. However, I turned to food when my heart hurt. I didn’t gain tons of weight, but I definitely was not as healthy as I’d been previously. I didn’t have the energy to get back in shape and spent lots of lazy days in bed, listening to sad music and crying into my pillow. I tried my hand at online dating and had an embarrassing date with a guy who I haven’t heard from since.

By summer, I’d finally stopped crying everyday. I visited Canada for the first time and fell in love with its beauty. I spent lots of time on the beach, working on my tan and, again, being absolutely lazy. I started shopping frivilously. I bought too many clothes and accessories for a girl who doesn’t have a full time job. I realized that shopping gives me a sense of calm and is, in a way, my addiction. I went on an expensive date and, despite my best efforts, had no desire to explore that relationship.

Fall was, academically speaking, the toughest time of my life. I spent lots of late nights at school, but grew even closer to the people in my program in the process. I was in one of my best friend’s weddings. I tried contacting the ex, just to say hello and let him know I didn’t hate him. His lack of response was the real closure that I so desperately needed.

I decided that 2010 was going to be MY year. 2009 was a time of growing. Of going through new experiences and learning from them. 2010 is my year to have fun. To live on the edge, take more chances than ever before. To travel. To explore. To dream. To live and to love living. To be the best student, daughter, cousin, neice, friend, (girlfriend??) that I can be.

Here I go. Out with the old…in with the new!

(Un)Friend

When you date someone, you inevitably share some friends. If you’re on social networking sites, you probably are virtual friends with at least some of each other’s friends. When I deleted the ex as a friend months ago, I did so out of necessity. I couldn’t keep seeing his name pop up in my newsfeed. That’d just lead to looking at pictures people would add and me wishing for things that would most certainly not be. I had to delete his friends too, as they were constantly being tagged in photos with him. It was for my own good. Not out of “immaturity,” but out of the sole fact that if he remained my friend, I would have driven myself absolutely crazy.

He kept my friends as his for months. Until the other day when one of my friends pointed out that she realized he had unfriended her. I quickly found out that he was no longer friends with any of mine. It’s bittersweet. This time last year, we had been closer than ever. Now, it’s like we had never even been.

I’ll be the first to admit that this has been the roughest year of my life. Falling deeply in love only to have your dreams smashed and your heart broken will do that to you. Insane amounts of school work will just add to the mental draining. I’ll also be the first to admit that I dwelled much longer than I should have. But, I can’t let the way one (stupid, idiotic) person treat me, dictate how I’m going to live the rest of my life.

Period.

Always back to you.

Seeing snow reminds me of snuggling under the covers with you, watching repeats of The Daily Show and eating Godiva chocolates. I wonder sometimes, what would have happened if you had been stronger and my heart hadn’t been on my sleeve.

But…I’m good without you.

The luckiest.

Life has been absolutely crazy as of late. Between school and friends and family and other obligations, I’ve just been physically and mentally drained. I tend to do this to myself a lot. Run around like a chicken with my head cut off. I just happen to have a ton of people in my life, each one just as important as the next, and am in a ridiculously intense graduate program. Dating has been put on the backburner (KIND OF) for the time being. I say kind of because I’ve possible date lined up with a friend of a friend for the coming weeks. Only problem is, he lives over two hours away and with our hectic schedules, it may be tough. But we’re going to try to get together. I’ve also casually joined a free dating site, just for fun.

There’s also my friend, we’ll call him Mr. Fun Times. Mr. Fun Times and I have, on occasion, made out (each time, with him being incredibly drunk, mind you). I call him Mr. Fun Times because he is a party guy. Always with girls around and always going out to bars and clubs. He’s been texting and calling me frequently, but then I always hear from our mutual friend that he does the same to her. I’m not interesting in DATING dating him, so I’m really not spending any time worrying or wondering about it. And if that changes, well I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it I suppose.

With the holidays coming and 2009 winding down, I’ve got to say that this has been one of the most emotionally draining years of my life. I’m not one bit sorry to see it go, but I’m also glad, in some weird way, that it happened. I can only learn from everything and hope that 2010 is a better than this year was. I caved a few weeks ago and emailed Jay. It had to be done for my own sanity. He didn’t respond, and I wasn’t really expecting him to. I just needed him to know (for some odd reason) that I care and hope everything’s going well for him. I was in love with the guy – those feelings don’t just disappear overnight, no matter how hard I tried. He’s becoming a distant memory, but it still hurts sometimes when I think about it. But then I look around at all of the beautiful, wonderful people in my life who would never do to me what he did, and think that I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

Happy holidays to those of you who celebrate. Spend it with people that make you feel like you’re the luckiest.
<3

The real thing

Lately it’s been more difficult for me to keep up with the happenings of other bloggers, but I just took a good hour break from working on a gigantic research paper, to catch up on what I’ve missed over the past month or so. I want to share a post I found on Hope dies last that really struck a chord for me. I think this is the direct link? Yes, no, maybe so?

Anyway, the post is about how us seemingly perpetual “single girls” do not merely date for the sake of dating (usually). We (many of us) are looking for the real thing. Or, as stated by Hope, the big love. I admit that I have dated people I haven’t felt a spark for in hopes that I could let it grow. That I could nurture it and keep telling myself “This is a GOOD GUY! Just stick with it. You’ll learn to love him!” But, I certainly am the type of person that can’t just date around and hop from dinner to drinks to movies to walks in the park with different men that I don’t feel that intense spark for. That sizzle. I don’t date as often as I should. But when I do, it’s because I feel something. It’s because there’s a feeling I’d like to explore. The sizzle (or possibility of a sizzle). If I don’t have that chemistry (which, many may say is inevitably the downfall of a relationship) I can’t continue. It hurts me more than it makes me feel good to at least have someone. I do like to go out and meet people. I love getting to know someone over coffee or a drink. But if I don’t feel myself wanting to reach across the table and grab the person and kiss the life out of them, chances are I don’t continue dating them. And this, my fellow singletons, might be my ultimate reason for being without a plus-one. But is that so wrong?

What’s wrong with wanting the real thing? And why should that be something that people might look down on me for? Yes, I was raised on fairy tales. I was raised to believe that love conquers all and that when the right person walks into your life, you’ll know. And, yes, I’ve been in a relationship or two where I thought I knew, but was sorely mistaken. But at least I tried, right? God, I just want the real thing. I think my karma points are currently at maximum capacity. It’s time for some goodness to come back into the love department (and I’m not talking about in the form of random makeouts as per my previous post!)

So, do you think that’s (one of) our problem(s)? If so, what the heck do we do to solve it? Or do we not? Do we keep on doing what we’re doing in hopes that one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, we find that person that makes our heart all aflutter? That person that deserves our kisses?

I’m tired. It’s only 9:30 and I’m beat. It’s a sad world when you have to call it quits before 10 on a Friday. But, such is the life of a grad student. I’ll let that stew for a bit. I’m curious to see what you think..

I’ve reached a new low. Or high?

Kissed five boys. In one night. In a four hour period.

Makeout slut? Methinks so.

Birthday punches.

I love birthdays. I’m not one of those people who get sad about turning a year older. I dress up and invite everyone I’ve ever met in my life out for a night of shenanigans and laugh my cares away. This year was no different. My birthday just passed. I’m now officially in my mid-twenties. I spent the night with lovely company and had a wonderful time without getting a lick drunk. Lately, I just haven’t really been interested in partaking in any activities which would result in binge eating, headaches and nausea. I’ve recently realized that I can have just as much fun, minus the calories and possible beer goggles, without drinking as I can with.

A few hours into the night my friend pulled me aside to let me know that Dave was on his way. Although I didn’t personally invite him, it was a bar and anyone was free to come. I tried not to think about it, but was anxious to see how the rest of the night would play out. When he did show up, I gave him a hug and then avoided him by playing hostess for awhile. I finally decided that sucking it up would be the best choice, so I walked over and made meaningless conversation for a few minutes. It sucks to be faced with someone you flat out rejected. I felt awkward to say the least. And he wasn’t exactly Mr. Talkative – in fact he was pretty much nonverbal for most of our “conversation” for lack of a better word. There’s no doubt in my mind that not pursuing things with him was the right decision, but I still felt bad.

The rest of the evening went off without a hitch. Everyone had a nice time and I am now able to say that I can rent a car.
Woohoo!

I’m also still able to say that I’m single.
Woohoo??